1. I went to a Cold Stone creamery for the first time and attempted to order some kind of ice cream sundae. I wanted to take it to go, but they gave it to me in a porcelain bowl so I stayed inside to eat it, about halfway through complaining and pointing out a plastic container they could have put it in for me. (In my actual existence I still have never been to a Cold Stone but am contemplating going now as there appears to be one two stores down from the coffee house where I’m typing this.)
2. I wanted to make eggs, so I looked in the refrigerator and saw both liquid egg whites from some brand or another as well as real whole eggs. I thought “fuck it” and went for the whole eggs. Somehow, I cooked them on a toaster. Then I woke up.
NB the critic goes on to say:
In the early part of the last century, just about a hundred years ago, actually, Pablo Picasso (along with Georges Braque, but I like Picasso better) pioneered a style of painting called Cubism that, umm, became very important to art history. (I always feel dumb talking about art because I don’t know a huge amount about it. I do like looking at art, but I dropped out of the one art history class I took in college.
…but maybe, putting aside for a moment that [I hope] the lead quotation and headline are pseudo-serious in the their claim, someone with just this paucity of prior historical and art knowledge is the only sort of person who can claim the dominance of an individual artist in the current century?